If You Don’t Believe in You – how do you expect anybody else to?

Have you ever met somebody who is just so confident that they light up the room? people listen to what they have to say and try to do what they can to please that person ?

That is self-belief in action, These days with political correctness and everybody being offended by everything they can find so they can go and complain about it on social media hoping to get the next viral post that we have all stopped thinking about how we treat ourselves.

The inner voices are just as destructive as the external pressures on us, and we cannot “log out” of these, rather they come to us in the dead of the night and stop us sleeping, if we manage to drift of they haunt us in our dreams.

Their is no difference between you and the confident person who manages to bend society to their will, other than they believe and trust in themselves, every action and effort comes from a belief that they are able to do whatever task it is, from learning a new skill to influencing a room of investors.

What I want you to do

This morning, evening or night, just start to believe in yourself, always reinforce your belief in your mind, body and soul, repeat it like a mantra every time you feel unsure or unable to do something, remember failure is almost never because you cannot, it is simply that you have tried for the first time, you will find that as soon as you start believing people around you will change and you will fall over themselves to help you achieve your goals.

Living without borders – your choice not society.

Since the dawn of civilisation man has sought to dominate his fellow man (and women and woman), this appears to be the core of human nature, we seem programmed to either dictate or obey, and I am sure that you are well aware of what type of person you are, the dictators are headstrong and already questioning my point of view, let alone my audacity at voicing it, and the obedient are already nodding in approval at my clumsy summing up of all human nature in less than a single paragraph.

I have never made any secret that I wanted to start this blog to make some money, it is on all previous posts and of course you can see the advertising plastered anywhere on this site that WordPress will allow, but I also wanted to offer my opinion on life and the ways that we can recognise oppression no matter how stealthily it is applied.

Authority

I am no revolutionist calling for the dissolution of government and law in order to be free, the loss of these things would only result in control and oppression from another source, society needs rules and controls in place in order to provide safety and security to the masses, and it is under this guise that we are controlled by stealth in a way more sinister and in an order of magnitude that few will ever give consideration to.

What is Life About?

This depends on your point of view, there are two schools of thought.

Coporate

  1. Learn while at school
  2. Leave school and get a job or go to university and get a better job
  3. Pay TAX and buy things on credit
  4. Save the rest of your money in order to pay for old age and infirmity
  5. Pay off all debts before you reach the end of your working life
  6. Enjoy up to ten years existence before finally dying and leaving space for the next cog in the machine

My View (and increasingly the view of others)

  1. Learn life skills in addition to academia individually focused, the same people that tell us we are all unique are also providing our children with a “one size fits all” education system
  2. Be encouraged to start a business or learn a skill that is relevant or that you have an interest in regardless of gender, race or any other barrier society can think of
  3. Pay TAX and contribute to the well being of your fellow human, sounds odd me saying this but TAX is what underpins civilised society and civic resource without it life would be very very grim
  4. Make enough money to not have to worry about money
  5. Retain the right to anonymity and privacy within the borders of civilised behaviour
  6. Live a fulfilled life where time is spent being productive and forming relationships in equal measure
  7. The right to equality, actual equality where no one person is given an advantage over another regardless of age, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or lifestyle choice

The Origin of Your Borders

All behaviour is learned once we get past the simple functions of breathing and the desire to eat and drink to sustain ourselves, our tastes our likes and dislikes and desires and aspirations are all a product of our education during the most formative times in our lives Childhood and it is this very programming most of us need to break in order to remove the borders we have built because we were taught to, and this is not always a bad thing, parents on the whole teach us what they think we need to know to keep us safe, we are taught to avoid fire and learn to swim to avoid drowning and social skills in order to not feel alone and make our place in society, and it is also a generational thing, generations have held different things in importance, and this has been passed on to the children who have interpreted it and applied it to their reality like a giant game of Chinese whispers, this is then shaped by peer groups and ultimately partners and the responsibility of children in adult life, but what if what you knew was not true or what you were told was designed to extract money time and life from you ?, a heads up would be nice.

Heads up!

Imagine somebody knocking on your door and coming into your house, complaining about how draughty it was and how cold it was, asking about your energy bills and seeming shocked and appalled at how much it was costing you, this goes on for an hour or so and then they announce themselves as a double glazing salesman, you would question everything they said from the outset, why? because they profit from the system they are selling you, well society is the same, and it must be approached the same, the rules and regulations are all drawn up by the very people that stand to profit from the rules and regulations, and while, as I have stated rules and regulation are required for civilised society to function, you should question the design, look past the glossy brochure of a 3 bed semi detached and a nice family car on finance, booking holidays on credit cards and spending nearly every waking hour on social media.

I am not even remotely trying to tell anybody how to live their life, I am just saying that if you are happy truly happy then fine, you do not need to do anything, just simply go on about your lives as you do now happy and content, but if something niggles you in the night or when you see the next reality star millionaire while you are struggling to put food on the table for your family then start a different thought process to the one you have now, and start asking questions.

What the Hell is my Point ?

This is the point, life is a one time deal, until proved otherwise we are here for one go only and this means we have a finite amount of time, the system isn’t set up to favour the intelligent the brave or noble, it is set up for people that know how to play the game, that is why when you go to work 9 – 5 everyday of your life, pay off your mortgage and only take one holiday a year, you end up struggling through old age and if you have to go into sheltered housing or the care system any legacy that you may have in the form of the house you worked so hard to pay off is sold to relieve the burden on the countries fortunes, whereas people that go on TV or post regularly to social media or can get finance, seem to operate with impunity, they live lavish lifestyles and have all the time in the world to build relationships with partners and children, sadly they mostly just can’t cope with the money and end up broke with a drug habit.

So this is my point, the borders you have to wealth happiness and peace of mind are constructed at an early age by the education system and peers, you (without realising it) then perpetuate these borders as you go through life re-enforcing them and in some cases using them as an excuse for an unsuccessful life, but there is another way.

Rule for Success

This is what I suggest, follow it if you will but at least think about it, Failure is a fact of life, there are many many things that we will fail at, either we just are not capable of doing something or we lack aptitude for a certain discipline, but failure cannot exist without a catalysing action, and this is where your borders are hurting you and holding you back, an example from my own experience is this, I was homeless and in need of a job, I had no money and no way to get any, I have always suffered from a fear of heights it at one point in my life was debilitating it was that bad, but this situation was worse, I saw a construction job that involved working away advertised and went for it, it would solve my accommodation issue (if only during the working week) and would provide enough money for food and at the very least a hotel at the weekend to stay in, so I went for it, my first duty was as a grouter, this meant that I had to climb up a ladder in a newly constructed skeleton of a building and pour concrete into the joints, this was in the open with no safety rails just a ladder and a hard hat, prior to this I had to cork the joint, which meant leaning out over the side of the building and pushing foam into the joint, I froze at the bottom of the ladder, and nearly refused to go up, people were watching and it was a little intense, I had told others and been referred to as the one afraid of heights all my life, but I needed the job and the place to stay, so I climbed, and by the third time I was running up the ladder, without any thought to the height or the great expanses of open space, because I removed the border to my progression, because it was self imposed, I perpetuated the conditioning and therefore I could change it, the border didn’t really exist,

And this is what I am suggesting you do, when you think of doing something and the inner voice says that “it’ll never work” or “you can’t because you are no good at it” stop and realise that it is not real it is a product of control exercised throughout your formative life that you need to rid yourself of, forget the border and try, if you fail you fail but you will never again think “what if?”

Becoming Pro-Active – The Pain Before the Glory

It is not rocket science that if you have lived a life a certain way for an extended period of time a sudden 180 change is going to take some effort and unfortunately some pain, the issue with a reactive existence is that it becomes very tiring, every situation that requires attention becomes added pressure and a burden, you will have found yourself saying “why me?” and wishing you had a day that wasn’t filled with the stress of juggling so many issues and invariably payments, well that day is coming believe me it is within the vast majority of peoples grasp and usually within a perfectly reasonable period of time.

The majority of the stress caused by debt and a reactive lifestyle actually stems from the time that is required to complete the various to keep your head above water, this ranges from extra shifts/hours at work, taking a second job or waiting on hold for an adviser along with many others that also owe the company money, there are 438000 hours in 50 years (the majority of peoples working life) once you take away the 127750 hours for sleep (assuming 7 hours a night, which if you are reading this you probably don’t get) that leaves 310250 waking hours, now I am not going to go into the time spent brushing our teeth and walking the dog but you get the idea, time is finite, it does not bend to our will and it does end, so let’s try and spend less of it doing things we don’t like and more that we do.

Quantify, Quantify, Quantify

I have said it before and I will say it again, the very first thing we need to do is quantify the problem, get a fresh notepad from the store and sit down with a coffee and literally write out everything you owe and who too, depending on how much you have ignored this will probably be the most painful part of this process as the page builds up into a seemingly indestructible wall of issues, also include not only debts but all the things that you need to do in order to make your life easier, documentation that hasn’t been updated from when you last moved or a niggling pain that you need to see the doctor, even down to your job / career that you either want to change or improve,

once it is there stop and take a look around, nothing has changed as a result of writing this down, your life is no worse than it was before you started, in fact it is now better, for possibly the first time in your life you are now in control, you now have the jump on all your creditors, your boss, and the thoughts that creep into your mind and keep you awake in the early hours of the morning, this sheet and this notebook are now a map to peace of mind, something that should never be for sale but we sell it before we even know what it is.

Begin

This as I have said previously is the key, to BEGIN if this notebook now gets shut and never looked at again then what use is it? you haven’t alleviated the problems by writing it down yo have just catalogued your issues, power is nothing without control and you now have created both, don’t shut the book on it and walk away.

Conclusion

Please look back on https://thetraineesuperhuman.com/2020/02/06/proactive-or-reactive-win-or-lose-its-your-choice/ if you have just reached this page for any background to the above, helping people understand the reality of what is holding them back or down is something I am passionate about so please subscribe as we go further through this journey and start living the lives we deserve.

Proactive or reactive? win or lose it’s your choice

I have spent a lot of my time talking about how to improve your health and your wealth, I and millions of others (you included) are all chasing the dream of financial independence, we live it, breathe it and try every day to find the one thing that will push us over the threshold and onto the land of milk and honey, but, how many times have you stopped to think what that threshold is ? what is the goal all about, and after all what is financial independence really?

There are some who believe in a new form of slavery, not bonds of chains and rope but rather we are bound be finance agreements and mortgages, and I have to say that after having given it some thought I have to agree, everywhere we look there is an advert for the latest thing we need to own or do or go to in order to feel successful, and a valued member of society, well it is on the latter that I wish to start.

Society

If you stop and have a look around it is not difficult to see the holes in the fabric of society, consumerism has become king and we have started to allow the creation of global mega corporations that control all aspects of our lives, more now than at any in history society as a whole has become obsessed with consuming and the acquisition of goods, in the absence of leisure activities able to keep up with our “on demand” expectations we have created our own digital escapism and in turn been infected by it’s influence, the YouTube stars we created through our own boredom are now the billionaires that we look up to and aspire to be, we have attempted to become gods and we have failed, en mass we are declaring bankruptcy and filing for divorce children are uprooted and their loyalties tested as parents scrabble for the last vestment of their borrowed life, meanwhile war, famine and global poverty rage through the developing countries like a storm across a meadow, destroying the crops and killing off life with no remorse, so we turn to mentors, motivational speakers and preachers for answers, so desperate that we do not check any credential preferring instead to listen to the mantra of success and happiness that will extinguish the darkness we have created in our lives.

Pretty Grim right? although I have taken some artistic licence I do stand by the above completely, social media has provided a platform for easy money and peoples true colours are showing through, girls young and old post erotic pictures to gain followers and money, lads generally set about doing bizarre things on video in order to attract enough followers to be rich, and motivation evangelists preach their lessons on a 24hr loop to get your subscription, the problem with this is simple, if we created this phenomenon then what can we learn from it? it has been formed by us for us and now we turn to it to help make our lives better?.

Reactive Living

This is an example of reactive living, and it is probably the most destructive thing we do, it will prevent you from truly excelling or changing your situation or (as is my main motivation) making a better life for your children and partners.

You see most of us live in a reactive state, a problem comes along and we react (because we have to) we see what needs to be done and somehow we find a way and do it, but stop for a moment, is this the best way ? has being reactive ever got anybody anywhere has it ever been a good solid way to plan a future? the answer is no, if you have to react to a situation it means the situation has become critical within it’s own context of course, and if you have ignored a bill for instance and then a collector arrives on the doorstep you have to react and it always costs more money than it would have to speak to the creditor and work something out, if you are falling off a ladder because you did not secure it properly you will need to react, sure you could aim for a bush or a porch that can break your fall, but you are still going to hurt yourself a lot more than if you secured the ladder correctly and didn’t fall.

In short a reaction tends to save a situation and you can always say “it could have been worse” but what we don’t stop to say is “it should have been better”, over time we have been taught to react, to allow things to get to a critical point and then to make one big herculean effort to clean up the mess, it is what finance and relationships and social media have come to be about, and yet when you speak to successful people nine times out of ten they had a plan, sure they had to react to situations, Richard Branson had to react during his bankruptcies, but the plan remained the same, the drive and the pro-action were identical to the plan prior to the set back, and in this respect a retaliation to a set back is not reactive living it is enforcing your will upon resistance to your cause.

Pro-active Living

Have you ever wondered when you look at the huge swathes of people that are successful how they got there? in some cases it is easy to see, expert business people who have studied and learned their trade only to make it in their chosen profession or career, to entrepreneurs who picked the right product at the right time and made a fortune probably after a whole load of products that didn’t, but this now extends to the social media types who are famous for nothing more than being famous, they have sold out themselves in some cases and in others they have sold out their children and families for fame and fortune, and for the ones that have really made it there is a lot of fame and fortune, while I hold the majority of the latter in complete disdain it is not because of money, it is because they feel that they have something to give the world other than the tedium that is their life supported by the bored and lonely and they try to educate when they used luck and being pro-active to get where they are not intelligence and reason, you see the one thing that cannot be taken away form these people is the fact that they just did it, whatever it was they decided to do they got up and started, they took a pro-active stance on life and changed the world if not for everybody else then at least for themselves.

And that is the moral of this post, being pro-active should not need any explanation as to how it makes your life better, if you pro-actively change your energy suppliers before the tariff changes you do not lose the money that they take between the charges going up and you noticing enough to do something about it, if you start a business and keep going at it always trying to get that step further along you will be successful in no matter what you do, and you don’t need any earth shattering idea to do it, you just need to shout louder than the other guy, health works on the same principle, if you leave your health until you are hugely overweight and unwell it will take longer to get right again and you will pay the cost of that time of being unhealthy through long term illness or ailment, mental health too, if you start to feel that you are struggling then see someone immediately do not wait until you have drawn a blade across your wrist and are asked why in the emergency room, one of the best things about this as a strategy is it is simple to do, you just have to do it, pick up the phone, design the website, go to the gym or sit down with your partner and work stuff out, but do it and do it now, start today and make a better future for yourself by yourself as nobody else can do it for you no matter how much they may want to.

The Subtle Art of Giving a F**K!

It was with sadness that I saw yet another book extolling the virtues of not giving a F**k as a way of selling copy, I cannot possibly believe that I am alone in being just a little tired of this sudden trend to get the F word in as many places as possible to sell books, get readers for blogs or simply as a way of covering up a persons disappointment at how their life has turned out, I mean after all I have even included it in this title to entice more readers!

the sad fact is that it does sell books and make people look twice at a blog that they would normally just pass over, the F word is still very much a taboo in polite society ( and probably should stay that way ) and so the sudden appearance of this on book titles or even as the headline for this post spark interest in the same way as we all slow down at the site of a crash on the motorway, we are not inherently bad people or wish any ill on the unfortunate people involved we are just captured by the shock of the situation, and so we gaze on and then have forgotten the event once we are a couple of miles down the road.

I have in the book section written a short opinion of the first book I became aware of that uses this strategy (in my opinion) to sell a basic collection of simple facts and re-tell them with the authors own style used expertly to disguise the fact that you (and I) have read and listened to this same message a million times.

My main source of despair is that the message is incorrect in every literal sense, we cannot and indeed should not go through life not giving a F**k, there is literally a medical term for people that live like this, and we usually get introduced to them under the glitz and glamour of the front page headline when they have committed some heinous crime, sociopaths are generally devoid of emotion and lack empathy as a result, there is no sense of right and wrong and they generally do not function well within society, or do they?

You see it is my theory that the reason we are so obsessed with not giving a F**k is because we see people that live that way and they seem to be successful and happy, in fact it often a positive comment about somebody and said with awe and respect “Dave is awesome, he literally doesn’t give a F**k!” problem is that we have missed the point for the same reason we blindly follow people on Instagram and YouTube believing that their lives are as glamorous as they would have us believe, as a general rule we don’t tend to dig below the surface, we simply take things on face value and move on, the problem is not entirely with the varying publications or the authors of these publications, it is what happens when people read and then try to implement the lessons contained within, the “motivational” industry is vast, it has the ability to package and sell the opinion of a person as fact without requiring a shred of evidence that they used the same techniques to get success or that they are qualified in any shape or form to offer counselling and life advice to the general public, in fact with the growth of the internet it has quickly become “he who shouts louder makes more money”, we have all but forgotten the flip side to that which is “the empty can rattles the most”.

I am not saying that there is no place in society for ambivalence, quite the contrary I am positive, 100 percent convinced, that the ability to not care about something is valuable, healthy and some cases outright necessary to our well being, but this is seldom the message, and the popularised message is the dominant one.

You see there is two main issues with living your life “not giving a f**k” the first is possibly the most destructive and will certainly make you less happy than you were before, this is the uncomfortable fact that we are, on the whole, caring empathetic beings, we process information and then by default we consider the outcome and how we would feel in that event, so to try and force ourselves suddenly to not care, and to not give any consideration to the future is to go against every instinct in our bodies, as an example just think of something you are scared of, spiders, heights that type of thing and remember back to the last time you were in a confrontational situation with that fear I am sure you will be able to remember very clearly the feeling through your entire body that what was happening was wrong and the urgency to move away from it will have ultimately become to much to bear until you removed yourself from the situation, well, same thing here, if you are a generally caring person of very analytical and you try to change that to become hard faced and reactionary as opposed to pr-active you will feel wrong because it will be going against your grain, and this will make yo unhappy as you struggle with the situation that sparked the change in approach in the first place and now, on top the feeling of discomfort and conflict this new way of life is causing, secondly, if we adopt this attitude of not caring and not being emotionally attached to anything, simply dealing with life as it comes without thought just rational thought and action, the people around us are likely to notice a marked difference in our attitude and relationships with them, this will alter many dynamics most likely at the heart of the family and showing signs of hurting the people that you started down this path for, we have to realise that there is nothing wrong with us, it is all too easy to blame ourselves for every ill that befalls us without reasoning it out first, if we start to alienate the people closest to us then we are unhappy and lonely, this can be a very dark place unless you are a sociopath !

And that is why we need to practice the subtle art of giving a f**k, it is the ability to choose what we care about that gives us power, the focus on the here and now instead of juggling a million future events and losing focus on any of them, and most importantly it is the ability to know when to ignore a situation not because you don’t give a f**k but simply because it is out of your control, it will be what it will be because it is the will of others, it is legislation or rules drawn up by people external to us that we have no influence on, or it is the opinion of a person or persons that have no say in our lives and ultimately have no control over how our lives are to be run, that is the real power, and once mastered will set you free to accomplish the things that you put your mind to.

Levelling the Land

We are faced today with a plethora of problems that society is facing for the first time, as well as rising debt causing misery for millions, more and more people are becoming depressed and ill as a result of piling pressure, money as always is at the heart of this, companies buy up bad debt for pennies in the pound and then use bullying tactics to force people to borrow more money to pay them back at a huge profit, others, while trying to climb corporate ladders stand on the shoulders of others to elevate themselves to the next rung of the credit score ladder, our children ask for toys continuously after watching YouTube videos of children whose parents sold out their childhood for the mighty dollar and we try and keep up with the Instagram lifestyles we scroll through every day looking to escape the reality of life in our front rooms.

The first and possibly most important lesson is this, we are equals, I will just say that again we are all equal that means that the arsehole on the phone when you are behind with a credit card payment may very well be trying to sound superior but they have the same fears and worries as you, the interviewer at the job you want so desperately is probably as nervous about meeting you as you are at meeting them, and the entrepreneur selling you the program to make you rich was (if not still is) as skint as you are, this isn’t to say that you should approach any situation with a sense of superiority as this will lead to animosity and scupper any chance of negotiation or rapport, simply know that are equal and act accordingly, meet aggression with measured confident response, adjust to awkwardness with kindness and open consideration for the other person and do not hold anybody aloft simply because they appear to have money.

Know who you are and stand on that knowledge

Who are you ? what do you want out of life ? some people spend years trying to answer those questions when the answer is simple, look in the mirror and asses what you see, think about how you treat people and thoughts that pre-occupy your mind, then stand on that, whatever it is because that is where you will be strongest, that is the position that no matter how much people try they will not be able to move you inside, as an example think of a band that you like, the odds are that even if you know several people that are into the same music as you, you will also know people that are not, and they will inevitably express their opinion whether you ask for it or not, but they will never be able to change your opinion because music is something we connect to on a personal level, it is a reflection of our personality and so we stand on our tastes because they are who we are.

the same can be said of all other aspects of your life, if you are a vegan or a staunch meat eater, then regardless of company stand on that, do not try and bend to the will of others just to make an impression, nobody will than you for it and you will be disappointed in yourself, this will lead to a lack of confidence and that will show to all like a big neon sign above your head, and don’t worry about offending people because that is the art of giving a f**k, the people that pass through your life offended will quickly move on and be replaced by people of a like mind so worrying about offending people is futile and simply a waste of effort.

Put simply stand your ground !

Conclusion

I hope I have illustrated why giving a F**k as as much of an art as people would have you believe not doing so is, we need to make sure we are true to ourselves and allow this truth to form our bonds with others, stand on your principals and you cannot be knocked down because they are your strength, the world would be an even worse place than it is now if nobody cared so give a damn and succeed!

When not being the best is better

I was recently at my daughters drama class and the teacher was talking us through how they put a play together in a the 1 hour lesson that she has every week, she (the teacher) was a very animated character and dare I say exactly what I would have pictured a drama teacher to be, very pronounced without shouting and very keen on the detail of instruction she was giving, her opening line when we all arrived was that she wanted to show the parents of the attendees what it was that they do there and how they form a lesson and the goals they are trying to achieve when they do, one of the things that she said during this speech got me thinking and I wanted to share my thoughts in case anybody wished to share their view.

“It is not about being perfect or even getting the words right all the time it is about doing and learning as they go, there is so much talk about being the best version of yourself these days and always striving to be perfect that people especially children must be exhausted”

I have extolled the virtues of striving for perfection on many an occasion and it is only now that I started to think that pushing for perfection is not only futile in occasions where the result is forced to be a product of collaboration but sometimes so tiring that it becomes a very draining ethos, which could potentially be destructive, and ultimately subverting our goals as we struggle to achieve them through the brain fog of exhaustion.

Now, anybody who has read anything I have done will be familiar with the fact that I like to have proof of something before I will adopt or attempt to pass it on as information to others, and this is no exception, I watched in wonder as this teacher, without raising her voice to a shout moved 15 children aged between 6 and 12 through this play that they had seen for the first time that night, and after just 45 minutes, we had a 10 minute play where I would say 85% of timings were correct and dialogue was remembered, the children had started to add complimentary movement to their parts and had started to extend their lines all within context, it was astounding to see all these different personalities working together and learning through enjoyment.

I am not saying that there is not a place for perfection and striving to be the best, merely that we need to recognise that moment of fatigue in all of us and act on it, lighten up a bit and realise that forced progress is sometimes slower and always a lot harder than relaxed progress, Bruce Lee was famous for the 1 inch punch and always taught pupils to relax the muscles of the hand and arm while punching as a tight clenched fist cannot travel as fast as a relaxed one, he was right and this was proved in many demonstrations the same can be said for the mind, a stressed “tight” mind will never learn as quickly as a relaxed one that is open and has time to spare.

I guess what I saw was not really the play about the Russian Cave that was being performed but rather that changing from the intense method of corrective education i.e. “that was wrong” or “do it again you weren’t on time” to a more lead form where the word wrong was never used, not even once despite some initial lines being quoted wrong and a couple of missed cue’s, was that when we are all relaxed we learn quicker, we retain more information and with a greater accuracy, so I guess what I am saying is if you are struggling with a subject or a method, be it academic or entrepreneurial then instead of beating yourself up and getting stressed, essentially blocking your own progress you should stop, take a deep breath (or two depending on how stressed you are) and look at what you are doing for what it is, try and find the enjoyment in your activity, and do not berate yourself for making mistakes, every fortune and large company was built on a foundation of error, that is how we learn, approach new concepts or technical challenges as an opportunity to a burden and you will see that as cortisol levels drop your whole mental state will become less toxic and you will move along at a faster pace than you ever thought possible.

Determination – Your Power, Your Journey

All to often we allow the power of self fulfilling prophecy to work against us, for a job interview we will continually think we are going to be late and end actually making ourselves late, or we convince ourselves that the guy or girl that we like would never like us so we don’t make an effort for fear of failure and guess what ? they never notice us!

Internal dialogues and self talk happen all day, every day, if we are aware of it or not, decisions are made on a subconscious level that determine the directions our lives take, with the exception of the very urgent “fight or flight” decisions these are all made with Reason and after an internal dialogue where we weigh up the chances of success versus failure and then act accordingly.

The problem with these conversations is that for most us they are biased against us this is most likely due to self preservation, and is not something that we all feel to equal measure.

Believe in Yourself!

How many times have you heard this, just believe in yourself and all will be well, it is more difficult however than it sounds as this requires the changing of your whole inner dialogue, you must reverse a subconscious level of thinking (not easily done) and you must find a way to remove the limits that you have set without knowing it, I personally am a firm believer in the power of the human spirit, years of observation have seen me notice that on some level my inner dialogue, my narrative that exists only in the deepest parts of my mind, influence and shape the world around me, and very rarely for the better I can tell you.

Break the cycle

Human behaviour is learned through pattern and repetition, for both motor skills and thought process, we ultimately become a product of our upbringing because this is the behaviour we see everyday, and so it becomes ingrained into our thought processes and our personalities, but we can change it, we can make a shift from one cycle to another, there is no shortage of research on making and breaking habits and one in particular found that it took nearly 12 weeks to form a habit and some people took nearly 254 days so don’t be too concerned if you have been telling yourself in the mirror that you are great for three days and you don’t feel any different.

Make Your Gestures Big

I used to be a nightclub doorman (bear with me) and I feel that tackling this situation is a lot like that, by the end of the night people were largely inebriated and their thought processes were impaired, conscious thought was cloudy and they were mostly running on sub-conscious activity to find their way home, my job, among others was to clear out the bar / club at the end of the night and I found after working this job for some twenty years that there was a very effective and distinct way to deal with this situation, you see shouting and hollering was not the answer, because hostility is just returned and talking quietly and not really making your presence felt was also pointless because you weren’t enough of an annoyance to cause an effect,

The most effective way to deal with this was to stand just that bit closer than you would normally, so you are not threatening but you are completely unavoidable and speak loudly and calmly repeatedly requesting that they leave as the night is over, and if you kept your cool and were patient the message got through within about 5 minutes for the lest drunk and the ones that could hardly stand got the idea within about 20 minutes.

My point is that I was dealing with people in the same mindset as we are when addressing our sub-conscious and trying to change what it wants to do, we are comfortable where we are and we feel safe because we are familiar with our surroundings, conscious thought that can reason that change is a positive is not in play and so we do not want to move, getting angry with ourselves is futile because we just become angry back and break all communication and trying to change a habit by gently whispering to ourselves each day just won’t cut it, we won’t hear the whispers,

The only way is speak clearly and unmistakably every time you get the chance, challenging all the things that you are convinced you are no good at, and don’t stop, don’t give up on yourself.

Determination is measured by the progress you make through adversity.

Me

Technique

Effectiveness is often mirrored by simplicity, I wouldn’t go downt he route of tying string round your finger or setting alarms to sit and concentrate on bigging yourself up, rather you need to start to listen, listen to your inner dialogues and start to recognise where they are working against you, and simply change the dialogue, as I have said previously change “I can’t” to “I can’t at the minute”, change “I am not good enough” to “I am not ready yet”, leave everything open ended, without the ability for your inner dialogue to close the door on a discussion you can modify the direction and message until you naturally follow the more positive path, take time to meditate, even if it sounds a little hokey and you feel silly doing it, by removing the outside noise of everyday life, even for 5 minutes, you can concentrate on what you are thinking and feeling and challenge all these beliefs you have about yourself,

Spirituality is not just banging gongs and Joss sticks (sorry if I offended anybody, seriously if you want to bang a gong then crack on!) it is about harnessing your own spirit and gaining from it, the foundation of success is much deeper than a bank account, but that account is much more achievable from a basis of inner strength.

Photo by Mike from Pexels